I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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