I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
