that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
