I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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