I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize