we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
