mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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