Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
