you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
