I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
