I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
