i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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