I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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