Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
