I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
