You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
