i will never coherently bang her
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
