I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
