The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
