dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize