if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
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