Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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