We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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