I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
