She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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