I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
