my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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