Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
