Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
