she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Heβs 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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