Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
