You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
