im drinking this country out of the recession.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
