my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
