I'm gonna have a badass scar
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
