We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize