If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
