he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
