Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
