I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize