i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
