I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
time to smoke my breakfast
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
