I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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