Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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