____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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