I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
