my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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