i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
