It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You ruined the universe
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
