i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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