feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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