My friends, they love my intelligence
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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