the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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