i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
