hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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