Don't make out with my wife yet
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
