Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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