oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
