oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
