I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
