Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
