why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
