the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
