It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
