you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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