He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
