it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
is wine microwaveable?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
