Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
