my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
