OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
