for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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